How to boost the economy

Whilst strolling round Tesco with Lady Patel it used to afford some modest juvenile amusement to select (preferably) pastel green toilet paper which when discovered by Lady Patel at the till would cause a satisfying Krakatoa style explosion.

Apparently any colour other than white is unhygienic, disgusting, vile etc... and very problem a loathsome .. and probably a French idea. Therefore in researching National Toilet Day (Tomorrow !) and discovering Renova, a French supplier of the most violently coloured toilet paper imagineable (they also do a shocking Pink which they describe as Fuchsia) , which they describe as the sexiest (?) ever, we felt that by supporting their sales (Euro 2.17 per roll or Euro 5.21 for a 6 roll Gift pack) we could also help the Chancellor.

It is possible to buy on line and there are but 2 suppliers in the UK, Horrids of Knightsbridge and Meson de Tapas 4b Worsley Road, Worsley, Manchester, UK - Tel: +44 07802 555525 .

If we are to be seduced into shopping by Alastair Darling with a raft of tax breaks it is our patriotic duty to ;

1. Ensure that we provide the maximum margin to the shop to ensure their survival in these trying times.

2. By purchasing from a French company we boost the spirit of Entente Cordiale and simultaneously add that international dimension to our efforts to solve the world's financial problems.

3. Everytime you (or your family) use the product you can muse over what a splendid job Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling are doing to boost the economy.

Happy bottom wiping !